Person Centered Parenting

Person Centered is a term that is used a lot in adult services.
Basically all it means is that the person is a part of decisions that affect his/her life.

"Nothing about me without me" - is the mantra of this philosophy.

It makes a lot of sense. As adults we need to know how to choose what is right for us in many different situations. We need to make informed choices to keep ourselves safe as well as to be productive members of society.

People with special needs also must participate in the decisions that affect their lives. While it may be easier for parents to make decisions for their child in the short run, in the long run they may be short changing the child from learning essential adult life skills. Taking the time to allow the older child/teen to choose between a menu of acceptable options reinforces his sense of himself and empowers him to stand up for what he wants/needs.

Even young children can be offered the opportunity to choose between a couple of different sets of clothing to wear or what to eat for breakfast from two or three different cereals. Making these small choices reinforces the child's developing self esteem.

While choosing routine items is a good start it is important that the parent include the older child/teen in the larger decisions that affect his life - whether or not to go on to college if that is a realistic option, what courses to take in high school, or even as simple as when to call a friend on the phone. This is not to say the child gets to choose to stay home from school for example or watch TV all night - but rather the child is offered choices that are reasonable and within his level of understanding. Does he want to finish his homework before he goes out to play - or play for an hour before starting his homework. If he chooses the later he MUST be able to re-focus on home work. If the parent knows the child is not ready for this decision then don't offer it as an option.

Ultimately we want our children to become adults who understand themselves and feel empowered to make decisions that are in their best interest. Beginning this process in childhood is essential particularly for the child with special needs.