Parents of teens with special needs face a unique conundrum...
How do I encourage independence and keep my child safe?
There are a number of skills your teen must know in order to safely use the community.
1. Management of personal behavior - your teen MUST be able to control themselves and handle life's little frustrations in a socially acceptable way. Yes, I understand that your teen has special needs - but guess what? - the world doesn't care...If he doesn't know how to speak, maintain personal space, and even look at others in ways that are typical then he/she will easily
be targeted by strangers.
2. Speaking of strangers - your child MUST know who to trust - essentially NO ONE who you do not know. My rule of thumb for my students is - do NOT get into a car or go anywhere with anyone who doesn't know your parents. Do NOT believe anyone who tells you they know your parents if you do not recognize them. This brings us to # 3 - when in doubt call!
3. Carry and use a cell phone - Your child MUST have a cell phone that works were he will be (in the mall/at a park/sporting event). He/she must know how to use the phone and you or whomever you have designated must be around to receive that call. Bottom line you want your teen to reach for the phone and call you whenever they are faced with the unknown - when they are unsure of what to do next.
4. It is essential that your teen spends time at a variety of community businesses with you in order for you to teach him/her what will be expected. I urge you to set up practice trips in which the goal is to learn community behavior NOT to accomplish a chore or make a purchase. When your child (I've switched to child as this is optimally occuring at 6-8-10 years of age - but it is NEVER too late) is comfortable walking around a business without touching, running, knocking into people or requiring you to hold their hand THEN together you two can decide to make a purchase on the next outing. This is a GREAT time to incorporate earning money by completing a chore at home to have the money for a desired purchase...but more on that on the next posting.
Today in the grocery store I witnessed one of the things I hope this blog will allow parents to avoid. An older woman was carefully shopping with a younger woman. They were deciding which type of bread to purchase. I only noticed them because the store was so crowded and I was trying navigate around them BUT when they finished choosing the older woman took the younger woman's hand and "pulled" her down the aisle. (Please note in 20 years it will be a younger person holding onto that same woman who will now be the older one!) This young woman needs to be taught how to walk in a store, stay with another person, avoid hazards, etc. - NOT to be led around by her hand even if it's done gently.
Monday, October 13, 2008
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5 comments:
Hey,
Great blog! Was the kid in the store mentally handicapped or just a young kid?
Keep up the good work!
Thanks for the feedback. The students I work with are developmentally disabled but I think much of this is applicable to typical kids it's just not as critical to do. Mary
Oh true, so the younger women in your blog was she disabled or not?
And so you are saying that it is bad to lead any sort of child around, disabled or not disabled? right?
Yes, the younger woman was disabled.
She wasn't a child and should not have been led by holding hands. It is fine to hold onto a young child's hand to keep them safe but all children need to learn how to be safe whether or not they have a disability so holding their hand is appropriate while they are little but not when they grow up.
Mary
that makes sense! gotta teach them how to lead them selves.
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